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I don’t think I ever recounted the story of Kaylee’s birth on this blog, mostly because I was so overwhelmed after she was born that, by the time I emerged from the fog of new motherhood the birth story was kind of old news. But now that I’ve been through childbirth a second time, it suddenly seems relevant again. Because, dude, the difference between the two was night and day.  (Literally, actually, since Kaylee was born at 4 a.m. and Robbie was born at 4 p.m.)

In both cases, I had an epidural once the pain of the contractions got bad enough that I had to practice my breathing exercises to cope with them. And in both cases, the drugs helped quite a bit – to a point.

With Kaylee, I fell asleep shortly after being given the drugs and I woke up a few hours later to the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life.  But only on the right half of my body.  The epidural was still working perfectly on the left side, but not at all on the right side.  I called the nurse, of course, to beg for more drugs, but by then it was already time to push and I just had to go ahead and deal with the pain.

I wonder sometimes whether I really have the right to complain, since I only experienced half the pain of childbirth.  But at the same time, it really fucking hurt.  Telling me not to complain about it is a little like chopping off someone’s hand and then telling them they aren’t allowed to whine because at least you didn’t chop off both.

This second time around, the epidural worked like a charm.  Throughout the whole experience, I never felt anything but a bit of tightness here or there. And after it was over, just like the first time, I ended up with a beautiful, healthy baby in my arms.

I know a lot of women highly recommend the natural route when it comes to childbirth. It’s empowering and natural and blah, blah, blah.  And I get that.  Making it through that kind of pain and walking away unscathed surely makes you feel proud of yourself.

But having experienced a painful childbirth and a pain-free childbirth, I have to say something: Those women are crazy.  If I ever have another baby, there will be copious amounts of drugs coursing through my body.  Because when I’m awaiting the arrival of a precious new family member, I would much rather be able to relax and watch a “Glee” marathon than spend my time shaking and sobbing from the pain.  (That’s how I handle extreme pain, which I learned with Kaylee’s birth.)

The only real advantage I see to giving birth the drug-free way is that you get to hold it over your child for the rest of his or her life.  You don’t like that Mommy won’t give you ice cream for dinner?  Well Mommy gave birth to you WITHOUT ANY DRUGS.  If I can deal with that, you can deal with eating your damn broccoli.

Then again, maybe that’s a good enough reason right there.