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Dear Sir Grunts-A-Lot,

I think that’s going to be my new nickname for you, because while Robbie-Bear is cute, Sir Grunts-A-Lot is more accurate, and last night you kept me awake for a long, long time with all the grunting you did in your sleep.  Maybe I shouldn’t be writing your first letter while I’m still tired and bitter, but I get precious few opportunities to sit down at my computer by myself, so you’ll have to take what you can get.

I can’t believe you’ve been in our lives for a month already, but at the same time it’s hard to believe you’ve only been here for a month.  You still seem so brand-new, but you’ve become so ingrained in the daily routine that I can no longer imagine life without you in it.  And in it, you are.  I’d almost forgotten what it’s like to have a newborn in the house – all the crying and diaper changes and dirty bottles littering the counter tops.  But somehow, in my head, I was expecting much worse.  When your sister was your age, I didn’t understand how people ever survived raising newborns because good god little kids are needy.  But I guess it’s kind of like going to see “Twilight: New Moon” after everyone tells you it’s the worst movie ever – when you’re expecting a truly awful experience, you’re pleasantly surprised when it’s just mediocre.  Um, maybe I should change that, because I believe I’ve just implied that your infancy has been mediocre.  What I meant to say is that you’re not driving your mother crazy, and I’m really happy about that.  Yay for you!

I can’t wait for the days when your personality really starts to show, because I’m desperately curious to know what kind of person you will be.  For now I just have some guesses, based on the little things you do (or don’t) from day to day.  I suspect that you won’t be as dramatic as your big sister.  About two weeks after you were born, I had to take you to an outpatient lab to have blood drawn from your heel for a test, and I was so, so, so not looking forward to it. I remembered taking Kaylee in for the same test, and it was a truly traumatic experience for me as a new mom.  The moment the nurse jabbed Kaylee’s heel, she reacted like her foot was being forcibly removed.  I was in tears by the time we left.  So when I took you in for the test, I had to steel myself for the inevitable horror.  I laid you down on a table in the torture chamber, I held your little hands and I waited for the screaming to begin.  And then … then … nothing happened.  The nurse jabbed you in the foot, and you stared off into space.  She worked enough blood out of you to fill all the little spots on the test paper, and you concentrated on pooping.  You didn’t even whimper.

I’m not sure if it’s because you still have some of those little newborn wrinkles that make you look a bit like a little old man, but sometimes I think you might be wise beyond your weeks.  Once in a while, Kaylee will be throwing a tantrum about something completely random, and I’ll look down to see you watching me with your eyebrows raised, a knowing look in your eyes.  In my head, you’re saying, “Well, this is slightly ridiculous, don’t you think?” and I feel like, in that moment, you’re my ally.  But then there are times when you choose one of your sister’s meltdown moments to throw your own little fit, and I know you’re not on my side at all.  When your uncle Jamie and I were younger, we used to torment our mom on purpose by speaking in a nonsensical code around her, just to piss her off.  And a decade from now, I have a feeling your Gram will be laughing her ass off when I complain to her about you and your sister ganging up on me.  But you know what?  I can’t wait for you and Kaylee to build your alliance.  I can’t wait to see what amusing things you’ll find to do together to get on my nerves.  Just remember this, kiddo: I will have the authority to take away your video games, so make sure to choose your adventures carefully.

Welcome to the family, little man.  We’re going to have so much fun.

Love,

Mommy