The Exorcism

I started to notice that something was terribly wrong with Jorge around Christmastime 2002. He was eating less, complaining more, and he'd stopped bathing altogether. I began to get awfully worried about Jorge's health. Even more than that, though, I began to worry about Bella. After all, Jorge is her trainer. To the naked eye, Jorge appeared normal. But the truth was finally revealed when I got my Christmas photos back from the royal one-hour photo mart.

Somehow, without any of his friends and family noticing, Jorge had become possessed. His glowing red eyes were only visible on film, but they were always there.

I figured I wouldn't get too hot and bothered about Jorge's new, close relationship with the Devil. I mean, really, who am I to tell him who his friends should be? I don't even know Satan -- he could be a good guy. As long as this friendship didn't involve corgi sacrifice, I decided I wouldn't interfere. Jorge seemed happy with my decision, and Bella remained the happy-go-lucky puppy she'd always been.

Then something changed. Bella and Jorge started spending unusual amounts of time together. Yes, Jorge is her trainer, but he was even hanging out with her after hours. That was fine with me ... until Bella stopped doing her chores. As soon as she started backtalking every time I spoke to her, I knew something was up. I searched Jorge's quarters for some clues to Bella's strange behavior. In his dresser drawer, I found this picture, in which Jorge is clearly in the process of possessing Bella.

Something had to be done. I couldn't stop Jorge from associating with the Devil, but I could sure as hell do something about Bella.

Jorge's brother Juan lives near the edge of the Jackadillo Republic in a mud hut, where he operates as the Republic's shaman. I enlisted his help to save my beloved puppy.

Juan requested that he be left alone with Bella for a period of 24 hours. His plan was simple. He was going to hug Bella repeatedly and beg her to come back to us. He would try to make her understand how much her family loves her and how much they miss her wonderful, Devil-free dogginess. He said this technique usually works for two reasons. Number one: The possessed person/creature hears the pleas and decides to return to his/her family. Number two: Satan hates such sentimental crap and decides to vacate the body rather than endure the torture.

So Juan took my dog and hugged her practically to death. During the course of the exorcism, several pictures were taken of Bella to see if her eyes were still glowing. After only five hours, her condition had cleared and Bella was back to normal.

Now came the question of what to do about Jorge. Juan and I discussed it for several hours before coming to a conclusion. In the end, we decided to let Jorge keep his newfound friend, Satan, on two conditions: He would never again allow Bella to be possessed and he would resume bathing. Jorge reluctantly agreed.

Before long, Jorge and his devilish ways were a part of everyday life. Whenever we caught Jorge knawing on a live chicken, his "The Devil made me do it" excuse was always good for a chuckle. His evil antics made him quite popular at parties, and eventually we all began to appreciate Jorge's possession. Here's a picture of Jorge and me at a New Year's party.

Links