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Thomas the Train tried to kill my family

I am having a bit of a day.

That’s the sort of thing I say about Kaylee whenever she comes home from school and can’t not yell at me for any indiscretion.  You know, like breathing and offering her apple juice when I should know that she’s not in the mood for apple juice right now, Jesus mom, could you just stop talking for a second?

“Kaylee’s having a bit of a day,” I say quietly to Robbie as we crouch under the dining room table and adjust our pith helmets.

But today it’s me.  Today I want to crawl under my desk and whimper and eat chocolate and not be bothered by anyone until I can get my shit together.

It started with Thomas the Train, who up until now I’ve considered a friend. (A mildly annoying friend who’s sort of a dick to his coworkers, but still, the kind of friend who will distract my toddler when he’s being whiny.)

This morning I was in a hurry, trying desperately to herd my cats get my children ready for school and out the door. I was carrying both of them, because when Kaylee’s tired her legs don’t work, and Robbie can’t be trusted to walk from Point A to Point B without getting distracted by a toy car or a piece of lint.  Unfortunately, carrying two children and a bookbag also blocks my view of the floor.

I think Thomas may have intentionally rolled himself in front of me, too.  Because as I mentioned before, he can be a dick sometimes.

It was Robbie’s ride-on Thomas, which is a big toy, and which caught both of my feet and kept me from recovering in a graceful manner, or at all. So all of us fell.  Kaylee hit her head on the couch and floor and I banged the shit out of my shin on Thomas himself.  Robbie was ok.  He just had a look on his face that said, “What just happened?”  I barely managed not to land completely on the kids and crush their little legs.

So that’s how day started.

By the way, that’s less than 24 hours after I cried in my car on the way home from a work/school combo day that didn’t go very well either.

See, I’ve been working.  I’ve been studenting.  I’ve been mommying.  I’ve been wifeing.  I haven’t been blogging (obviously).  I’ve had a couple of tests and quizzes that haven’t gone as well as I wanted, my daughter’s been having little breakdowns every day that make me feel guilty about putting her in daycare all the time, and I feel like I only barely see my husband (Rob?  Who’s that again?).

I’ve been bummed about all of this for a few days, and then I got an e-mail from the BlogHer ad network yesterday letting me know that they’re pulling their ad from my site because I haven’t updated my blog in a month. 

It’s totally fair.  That’s part of the agreement when you sign on with them.

But it was just one more thing. It made me cry, because it was just one more role I wasn’t filling right.

After the Thomas incident this morning, I went to class and spent an hour feeling really, really stupid because the teacher asked a bunch of questions I had no idea how to answer, even though I’d spent last night studying the exact topic she was asking about. 

And also my shin hurts.  (This is one of those moments when I kind of wish I bruised easier, because my shin injury is largely invisible. Any complaints I have can’t be corroborated by physical evidence, so it just seems like I’m whining.)

Anyway, I don’t have anything witty to end with.  I’m tired, I’m frustrated and I feel kind of really dumb.  I could use some tequila.  And also a microchip in my brain that helps me memorize the random, rambling things my microbiology professor says. Does anyone have one of those?  (Preferably unused, but I’m willing to negotiate as long as it’s been well sterilized.)

Reader Comments (4)

This prompted me to leave a pack of M&Ms on your desk.

October 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

I'm having trouble just mommying and trying to blog. Once again, dear friend, YOU ARE MY HERO. Chin up and all that shit.

October 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPammeey

I believe in your invisible bruise. And falling while holding kids sounds just... awful. It's not your fault, but that sucks so bad.

October 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKate

That sucks. I wish I could give you some chocolate. Or tequila. Or both. Though maybe not at the same time, that doesn't sound good.

It's hard doing it all. Give yourself permission to put yourself first though - you need to do that for yourself, to make yourself better - for your family. And being in daycare all day will be good for Kaylee, though I know she's doing her best to make you feel guilty. Remind yourself that the breakdowns she's having could be happening even if she wasn't in daycare everyday - maybe it's just what she's going through right now.

Hang in there ... this too shall pass. (My mantra that's gotten me through my kid's first 3 years)

October 17, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather King

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