Alternate title: This is what happens when I try to take a shower with conscious children in the house
Scene: A haggard, bedraggled woman -- let’s call her Heather -- is taking a shower after a morning full of doing her children’s bidding. She is clearly happy to be alone for the first time that day. After approximately 60 seconds of quiet, a seven-year-old girl -- let’s call her Kaylee -- bursts into the bathroom.
KAYLEE: Mommy! How many hours until my birthday party?
HEATHER: (Sighs.) I don’t know, sweetie. I don’t have a clock in here.
KAYLEE: Ok. When you get out can you tell me how many hours?
KAYLEE: I have to go potty.
(Toilet flushes. HEATHER grimaces as water changes temperature.)
KAYLEE: There was a piece of toilet paper in there. Now I’m going to go potty.
KAYLEE, as she is doing her business: Can you learn how to make a braid bun? I really want to have a braid bun because they’re so pretty. I think you make a braid and put it in a bun. I’ve been playing Minecraft on Daddy’s computer. I tried to play it on your computer but it wasn’t working, so now I’m playing it on Daddy’s computer. I can’t wait until my birthday party because Keira’s going to be there. I’ll probably say hi to the other kids, but I’ll mostly play with Keira. I love going to Chuck E. Cheese. I hope I get to see Chuck E. I hope I get to get tickets from that wind machine thing. I wonder why Minecraft isn’t working on your computer.
(Toilet flushes again. Heather grimaces again.)
KAYLEE: Mama! The toilet’s clogged!
HEATHER, sighing: Ok. Just leave it. I’ll take care of it.
(KAYLEE runs out of the room, turning off the lights as she goes. The curtain closes as HEATHER sighs again, in the dark.)